Nothing EVER looks right.

Nothing is EVER good enough for my head.

I am so, so tired of this disorder. I am so frustrated with my own brain. I have spent countless hours of my lifespan dedicated to obsessions and compulsions rather than living like everybody else does.

I just spent a solid fucking hour crying (yes, crying, make fun of me) and fixing the same things in my bedroom over and over and over and over and over again. Tugging the blanket straight. Fixing the pillows. Taking it all off and doing it all over again. Deciding that looks wrong. Cycle repeats. There is no difference in the way it looked when I started and the way it looks now that I have finished. I finally snapped out of it and got a MTN Dew Voltage. (Nice!) So... victory I guess. Sort of.

Actually, on Newgrounds as well, I can't even enjoy my experience here because I am SO obsessed with the colors and layout of my profile. I just cannot get it right. There will never be a "right" because OCD just invents a new problem as soon as one ends.

I sit here and talk to myself looking like a fucking schizophrenic (no hate to you guys with schizophrenia because uhhh.. yea, duh. Mental illlness brothers.) whispering the same hateful, spiteful things over and over about the thing that I am obsessing about and it will NOT go away.

I am in therapy for it. Everytime it seems like it is improving it goes right back the fuck to 100.

Why did I even develop OCD, I mean, seriously, what did I do to DESERVE OCD?

Jesus christ, give me a lobotomy. I can't even accurately describe the mental distress right now. It's not even describable. Goodbye. I might just upload some more oldish art and then grab some food.

Picrel.