Nothing EVER looks right.

Nothing is EVER good enough for my head.

I am so, so tired of this disorder. I am so frustrated with my own brain. I have spent countless hours of my lifespan dedicated to obsessions and compulsions rather than living like everybody else does.

I just spent a solid fucking hour crying (yes, crying, make fun of me) and fixing the same things in my bedroom over and over and over and over and over again. Tugging the blanket straight. Fixing the pillows. Taking it all off and doing it all over again. Deciding that looks wrong. Cycle repeats. There is no difference in the way it looked when I started and the way it looks now that I have finished. I finally snapped out of it and got a MTN Dew Voltage. (Nice!) So... victory I guess. Sort of.

Actually, on Newgrounds as well, I can't even enjoy my experience here because I am SO obsessed with the colors and layout of my profile. I just cannot get it right. There will never be a "right" because OCD just invents a new problem as soon as one ends.

I sit here and talk to myself looking like a fucking schizophrenic (no hate to you guys with schizophrenia because uhhh.. yea, duh. Mental illlness brothers.) whispering the same hateful, spiteful things over and over about the thing that I am obsessing about and it will NOT go away.

I am in therapy for it. Everytime it seems like it is improving it goes right back the fuck to 100.

Why did I even develop OCD, I mean, seriously, what did I do to DESERVE OCD?

Jesus christ, give me a lobotomy. I can't even accurately describe the mental distress right now. It's not even describable. Goodbye. I might just upload some more oldish art and then grab some food.

Picrel.

"You were flagged by our anti-spam service. You may be on a VPN, or IP associated with known spammers.

If you have time to wait for a human response, email support@newgrounds.com to explain the situation."

No, I am NOT a robot. Maybe. Possibly.

The school wi-fi fucking SUCKS.

I want to start using Macromedia Flash 8 (OMG GUYS YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THE VERSION!!!) again but I DON'T KNOW.

I need to steal my wacom back from my girlfriend to do that... I kind of maybe let her borrow it for awhile and she DOESN'T EVEN USE IT A LOT!

I turn 18 in November so I didn't even lie about my age isn't that CRAZY!

My therapist said: "join a community because being social really helps you thrive" (no, not in the common hurr durr social helps depression way, i actually just really like talking to people)

So, my three best options are Facebook, Reddit, and Newgrounds. 

Facebook:

Has a lot of IRL stuff.

The groups are nice.

Reddit:

I like the long text posts.

I like that it has a lot of niche interests

Newgrounds:

Has games to play when I am bored

The best option if I ever decide to upload art again.

I like talking to people, but it's a lot of pressure sometimes. The closer you get to someone, the harder it gets.

Strangers are very easy to spit my life out to.

Hello, I have arrived (again) (this sounds like i am announcing that i have came) (please ignore that) 

I was using Newgrounds to upload my ultra-furry ARTWORK for awhile, but eventually just became unmotivated and stopped visiting the website altogether. I don't want to use my old account anymore because of the artwork. 

I have found myself missing it here though.

Also I wanted to play flash games again. Newgrounds rocks for those especially.

You know, to sum it up, the nobody who didn't really contribute or talk to anybody is making his return. Blah, blah. I couldn't decide on a username so I spammed my keyboard...